The “Web Guy” | Inside SEO with Mr SEO

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Everyday it seems we have to contend with the limited knowledge of some “jack of all trades, master of none” hack with an outdated understanding of how SEO works. This person is known around our office as the “Web Guy”.

“My web guy suggested we do 301 redirects on every page”

Did he now?

“My web guy said we should dump these PR 7 URL’s because they have a question mark in them”

Hmmm, no kidding?

“My web guy wants to check your work and make sure your not doing anything that will hurt our existing rankings”

You mean the poor rankings you just hired us to raise?

We absolutely love the Web Guy because we can almost always pinpoint his attitude toward outside entities within 5 minutes of our initial meeting. The Web Guy thinks we’re pissing in his territory. The Web Guy knows barely enough to be dangerous and wants us to know that he knows what he knows as he thinks his knowledge stretches a lot further than it actually does (Whew! That was a mouthful). The Web Guy likes to question us on every point and wants definitive proof of why we do things the way we do. In short, the web guy is the sort of fellow that puts his arm around his girlfriend in the presence of other people…not because he genuinely wants to, but because he feels the need to “let everyone know that what’s mine is mine”. We’re not sure if the Web Guy is a designer, coder, programmer, network administrator or what, but we’re sure he’d have no qualms about putting all those down on his resume. We’re also fairly certain that he rubs vasaline on his chest, pats it down with coffee grounds and tops it off with a gold medallion prior to an open shirted night at the club, but that’s only speculation at this point.

Now, of course, this is a bit of a generalization. Not all web guys are “Web Guys”, and many have been quite helpful and pleasant. Some are just genuinely inquisitive and many ask if we can impart some details on what we’re doing so they can understand for future reference. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that and we love talking shop with anyone who isn’t combative about our company being brought in. But every once in a while, we do run across a “Web Guy” who genuinely works against his own best interests and is a serious pain in the ass in the process.

And when that happens, we’re lucky enough to have our own in-house foil, who we affectionately refer to as “Accounting Guy”.

“What? You got an additional charge on your monthly bill for all the excess hours we had to spend dealing with your Web Guy? Oh…right…well, that’s just our Accounting Guy. He keeps track of the consulting hours and bills according to our contract. Yeah…he’s a real stickler for noting the time spent dealing with Web Guy, but what can I tell ya…he pays for himself.”

Accounting Guy doesn’t come into play with most clients, and he never comes into play without a warning, but if called upon, he’ll be at every phone call with calculator in hand, an eye on the clock and a smile on his face. Accounting Guy loves to charge Web Guy for completely wasting our time at length, and he keeps detailed records of all of Web Guy’s long winded Q & A sessions in case there are any issues with the bill. Best of all, Accounting Guy never misses an opportunity to point out when Web Guy is working in a contradictory fashion to his employer’s wishes. Like Beyonce’ Knowles, Accounting Guy can be counted on to show up everywhere to point of nausea.

Once the employer understands how much Web Guy is costing them, they usually keep him on a leash and we simply drop the fees. If you experience the same situation, it’s important to introduce your Accounting Guy to the employer sooner rather than later. Don’t waste more of your time than is necessary explaining what you are doing instead of doing the actual work itself. It’s also not fair to the unknowing employer to present them with a bill for the excessive time you’ve been forced to waste on their Web Guy when a much earlier phone call from Accounting Guy would have likely solved the problem to everyone’s satisfaction.